The Strength of Love
Chapter 16 - Old Friends
It was early morning and Sesshomaru and Rin were walking together in the gardens. She loved this time of day! The birds were beginning to wake up and sing, the grass and flowers still wore their layers of dew, and the air was fresh and crisp, not yet stifled by the sun’s rays. Sesshomaru, only rising early on days when he traveled to his lands, had deliberately sought her out this morning. He knew she was still lonely, and he actually found that he missed her chatter on occasion. Taking care of his lands had always been a lonely task, and her company had been welcome. He often felt as if they were kindred souls. Now, however, he split the time he had between his lands and the castle. It was not difficult, but it left little time for his friend. He felt he had been neglecting her.
“How are you doing here at the castle, Rin?”
She took her time responding, thinking how best to reply. “I am okay. I want for nothing, and the people here are nice to me.”
That did not quite answer his question. What he really wanted to know was if she had someone with which she spent her time. She had had such a hard life thus far. He did not want to cause her more pain simply because he could no longer be with her. For the first time since that day, he wished he had ignored her pleas and left her with Masamune, the headman of one of the more prosperous villages in the Western Lands, and his wife. “I meant are you happy here?”
Again, Rin paused before choosing her words carefully. She had never been one to blatantly lie about anything, and she did not want to start now. Nor did she want to make Lord Sesshomaru feel guilty about leaving her for such long periods of time. Finally, when she spoke, it was even more quietly than her usual voice. “I am not unhappy, my lord.” She refused to expound on that, choosing to simply let the words hang in the air.
Sesshomaru sighed deeply, taking her words for what they were worth. He knew she needed something more, but he did not know how to give it to her. Indeed, he really hadn’t a clue about what it was she needed. Just something… MORE.
He decided to change the subject. He did not want to leave her heavy at heart. He asked her to tell him everything she had been doing. Despite his busy schedule and his plans to leave for his lands early, he and Rin sat for a very long time in the gardens, undisturbed. She told him about the first time she had seen Bakura, passing him in a corridor one day. They both laughed at that, as no one seemed NOT to be surprised by the demon mage’s looks upon first introduction. Rin, like so many others before her, had gasped out loud, startled and a little scared, when she first looked up and saw him. Bakura, knowing her sentiments, had simply stared at her, not moving, until she stammered a nervous “hello” at him. Then he smiled at her, attempting to put her ease, and she had backed away even further. It wasn’t until he introduced himself as Kaiba’s friend and fellow mage that Rin had relaxed. She realized he belonged in the castle and was not some pillaging demon snuck in the back door. She finally smiled back. After that day she always had a smile and ready wave for him. Sesshomaru listened to her tales and let his thoughts focus on her instead of his lands. He was enjoying their morning together. Rin told him of her fascination with InuYasha, and though he was doubtful about it, it seemed to make her happy, so he said nothing. If she could find a friend there, then so be it. He desperately wanted her to find happiness and a sense of belonging. As that thought occurred to him he almost jumped off of the bench. It was only her look of confusion that held him in check. He must have made a noise without realizing it. She had stopped speaking and was staring at him, her head crooked to the side, her eyebrows furrowed. He smiled at her and shook his head, indicating that his thoughts were meaningless, and urged her to continue.
Rin spoke to him all morning, telling him the things she had seen and done. She was in awe of Kurama. He had changed into his Fox Demon form for her once and she had thought she had never seen a more beautiful man, excluding Lord Sesshomaru. Hiei she was still wary of. He said nothing to her, only nodded when she caught his eye over a meal. Tasuki she was also unsure of. He spent much of his time away from the castle, so she did not see him very often. Bankotsu had shown off his halberd to her. She was in awe over his ability to even lift the thing. His use of it was definitely something to behold. She liked him. He always made funny faces at her across the dinner table. The princess as well seemed kind yet distant. After their one conversation in the garden, she always waved at her, but little else.
The one thing she had trouble adapting to was that everyone at the castle treated her like a child. She had not been treated as such since her parents had been alive. Indeed, it was disconcerting to her, but she could not place a finger on why. She brought the subject up to Lord Sesshomaru and was astonished when he laughed quietly. She did not even know he COULD laugh! As she stared at him, wide-eyed, his laughter grew until he was chuckling. With a smile he explained to her, as gently as possible, that she WAS still a child. She was merely six years old. Indignantly, she proclaimed that she would soon be seven. That made his smile deepen even more. He took her hand in his and explained to her that now that she had others to look after her, she could begin to relax and enjoy being in the castle. She would not go without here, and she need not work as she used to. Here, she was free to simply be a child.
She took his words at face value, though she still could not quite believe them. She had been hoarding food since she had first begun eating in the dining room with the others. She would take a roll or an apple, or even a sweet now and then and hide it in her pocket. Only Kaiba had noticed, and even though he gave her a strange look, he tactfully said nothing. She knew, however, that with winter coming, the food would cease. The gardens were pretty but worthless. She would once again have to fend for herself.
Rin was glad Lord Sesshomaru was spending time with her, though she knew it would be all too short. In truth, even though she missed him sorely, she had come to realize that he was simply another page in her book. His life and hers would travel very separate paths, and she could not prevent that. So, she had decided not to try. She was at first angry and more than a little hurt by his apparent abandonment of her, but she had gotten over it with the help of the castle inhabitants. Though she was not exactly the joy of the castle, there was always a kind word or smile coming her way from all of them. If not happy, Rin was at least content living here. However, she always felt as if she were waiting. She wasn’t sure what for, but the feeling was always present.
She spent the rest of their time together talking about Yukina and Kaiba. Yukina was very nice to her, even seeming to enjoy her company. They talked for hours on end, something Rin had never been used to. She found she loved it. Kaiba was teaching her how to read. He made her nervous because he stared at her a lot, but he was kind. He never raised his voice at her, even if she spilled a potion on his papers. Sesshomaru laughed once again at this guileless revelation.
It was very late afternoon before Lord Sesshomaru set off for his own lands, his heart much lighter.
For two more months Rin wandered the castle grounds. She visited Yukina as often as possible. She was beginning to really enjoy the tiny woman’s company, though her side of the castle was much too cold for extended visits. At least three to four times a week she also meandered her way up to Kaiba’s tower for her impromptu lessons. She enjoyed the mage’s company as well, but he unnerved her in a way she could not explain. She would learn whatever he wanted to teach her for the day, and then make a hasty exit. Lord Sesshomaru came and went several more times. She only spent one more morning with him in all that time. His was a busy life, and he had no time to spend with her. She accepted it and moved on.
Unknown to her, the day in the garden Sesshomaru had come to the realization of what Rin really needed. She needed to fit in somewhere. She needed to BELONG somewhere, and to someone. When they traveled together, she was happy. He knew now that it was because she felt a sense of belonging. Here at the castle, she felt no such thing. She simply felt like an outcast given a home. But she never really BELONGED here. About three months after his binding, he saw Rin walking with Kaiba and remembered his thoughts on that day. He waited until the mage was alone and brought the subject up with him. Kaiba agreed to discuss it with the Princess in the morning. Sesshomaru finally felt at ease about Rin’s future.